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The day you slipped away was the day I found it won't be the same   
12:37pm 21/10/2008
 
mood: crushed
My father is opening a Suicide prevention for people with mental illnesses charity for anyone who is interested.


Huber, Dustie Orzine


Residence: Faulkner, Maryland
Death: Friday, October 17, 2008

Click to see full size photoDustie "Dee" O. Huber, 61, of Faulkner, MD passed away on Friday, October 17, 2008 at her Residence.

She is predeceased by her parent's; Homer Houston and Lerala Houston. She is survived by her Husband; Edward Huber. Sons; John T. Huber and Brian K. Huber. Sister; Mary Huber. Grandchildren; Jessica, Katie, Andrew, Rachel, Brianna, Arika, and Brandon. Great Grandchildren; Alexander, and A.J. Dee was baptized, enjoyed canning, and making Wine. She was a member of the Tuesday Women's Christ Center, and the Share Food Program.

There will be a Life Celebration gathering at the Grace Lutheran Church in La Plata, MD on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 10 am until time of service at 12 noon. Interment will follow at St. Mary's Catholic Cemetery in Newport, MD.



In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Grace Lutheran Church Education of Children 1200 Charles St. La Plata, MD 20646.

Arrangements provided by Brinsfield Funeral Home.
 
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"My name is Olive Snook...and I have a confession to make..."   
07:14pm 20/10/2008
 
mood: cold

This is the first time in...well, ever that I've come close to losing my mind.

On friday, October 17th, My grandmother, my world, my happiness, my heart and my constant comfort, locked herself in her bedroom closet and put a gun to her head, turning my entire world upside down by taking herself out of it. My Grandfather found her body in the closet when he came home, for once in her life, she was completely at peace.

Grandma Dee was probably the most incredible woman you could ever hope to meet. I can absolutely, 100% bet that if everyone knew her, their lives would be so much better just by having her in your list of friends. She was Strikingly beautiful, funny, sharp as a whip, and gave so much of herself to others without batting a lash. In my childhood (crappy as it was) and now, she was everything to me. Sadly, she suffered from manic depression, dissociative disorder, anxiety, and partial schizophrenia, two of which i suffer from myself (yay genetics). You would never know to look at her that she felt so much pain mostly because she refused to have others fuss over her, she said it wasted time she could be spending making the people she loved happy.

Her mental illnesses mostly progressed from a very dark and traumatic childhood where she was beaten, sexually abused and locked in small closets for long periods of time. Most people would come from a home like that and indulge in bitterness and hating and mistrusting people. But Grandma changed her life and turned it around to take care of her two sons, her new loving husband and her soon to be grandchildren. She was to say the least, the best person I have ever known, and by far the most beneficial role model I have ever had.

When I got the call on friday, it literally felt like I had died standing up, I couldn't move. We all thought she was doing so much better, but she was good at not showing us her "dark side" that I guess no one really got a chance to tell. My whole life, my Grandmother has been my biggest cheerleader, taking even the smallest achievements and making me feel like I'd won a nobel prize instead. She always thought so little of herself when everybody was so eager to tell her otherwise. At many times during my struggle with my medical issues and just life in general, I have always known I had a person who understood completely what I was going through.

Grandma was my best friend, the reason I'm thankful for every day, even the bad ones, my sanity, my hope, my faith in other people despite my experiences, my love, and the warmth that held me tight when I felt like the smallest person in the world. I am so much warmer and well loved for knowing her, but I am also signifigantly colder now that she's gone.

My only hope is that she can finally love herself as much as we all loved her. I know that her death will make me more aware of my disorder as well as to reach out to others who may not have the support system of family and friends that I do. I can only hope that one day I can be half the woman she was, caring, giving, and kind, and change someones life like she changed mine and so many others.

Grandma was my sunshine, and I have a feeling it will be darker now for quite some time.
 
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"i didn't realize then what a liar i'd become...."   
01:13pm 09/09/2008
   
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Must be the sign on my head that says "Ohhh love me dead!"   
03:59pm 15/08/2008
 
mood: calm
Thank you jeremy for this amazing song.

You know me, and my music tastes too well :-D

and thank you to everyone who's trying to make the best of my hospital/doctors office/bed ridden-ness more bearable.



enjoy, they're absolutely amazing :)
They are "Ludo"
 
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Someone is the hospital buisness must love me   
10:34am 14/08/2008
 
mood: grateful
BECAUSE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO GET ME IN THERE!!!

Last night was spent in the ER after realizing that on the drive home from Fairfax with kyle, I couldn't breathe very well and my temperature was well over 102.7

So Kyle took me to the ER where I cried, rocked and sweat through my clothes because my fever kept pumping higher and I started to go delirious at one point. Then after an excruciating three hours I was finally seen and they immediately stuck and IV in my and tried to get me rehydrated.  Due to my throat feeling like i was choking on razor blades every time i swallowed, it was a little hard for me to rationalize with eating or drinking for a good two days straight. Then they told me I have an abscess (almost like a benign tumor) trying to grow in the left side of my tonsils/beginnings of my throat and that is what keeps swelling and cutting off my airways.  So they began to pump me full of steroids and medication and an IV to get some fluids back in me.  But until I get my tonsils removed I'll be on "can I breathe" watch, due to the swelling flaring up at any time it pleases.  The meds are helping, but she said it's more a viral thing so it can decide it doesn't care what I'm taking at any moment and flare up again.

So yea...I'll be having those tonsils out soon I hope. Because, breathing? Kinda something I like to do.

But I could not have asked for better company between Kyle taking me there, Randy being on call should I need him and just sending his love, David staying with me and sticking it out with me even though I was a crying ridiculous mess, and the mom who never ceases to amaze me.

It just makes me grateful, and feel an incredible amount of love for those who take care and look and have looked after me so well (Jim & my Propschick and Sneakydolphin and my Patchie all the people above and so many others included :-D)
And for the first time I can honestly say that I am glad I fell off of that damn cliff and have had to stay in MD. for so long. The people I know and have come to love here are more of a gift than any college I was supposed to attend that fall or empty life I could be leading right now.  It is here I know I am loved and needed and important.

I could not be more grateful for such a terrible misfortune that July, because it brought me the greatest company I have ever known, a family to outshine any comfort and love and unselfishness that I have ever experienced.  You guys make my life so much more amazing just by being in it.

I cannot thank you enough :)
Here's to getting my tonsils out and having a party where everyone can make fun of me playing Rock Band while drugged :)
I Love You guys with all my everything
 
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Who will watch the Watchmen?   
09:57am 19/07/2008
  EXCITTTTTEEEEDDDD

I wanna see Dark Knight so bad I'm gonna pee myself!

more intelligent post later...


maybe :)
 
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and my night has been officially made   
02:31am 10/07/2008
  masejboy (2:26:33 AM): saying of which, did i tell you that i no longer carry a v-card?
CaffeineCrave87 (2:27:39 AM): ah, but you are not fully a man until a woman has told you she loves you and you've told her very Han Solo like "I know"
masejboy (2:27:59 AM): yes. i forgot about that
CaffeineCrave87 (2:28:27 AM): I said that to some guy in a class I had and he said "And now you're officially the coolest girl I know"
CaffeineCrave87 (2:28:41 AM): it was a good day for my nerd-side
masejboy (2:29:14 AM): yeah. but you are the coolest girl on the planet. remember?
CaffeineCrave87 (2:30:11 AM): I don't know if I technically hold that rank, but I'll totally take it

leave it to Hobby to make my geeky side go "yay" :)
 
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07:11pm 26/03/2008
  You swear you recall nothing at all
That could make you come back down
You made up your mind to leave it all behind
Now you're forced to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone, it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away

Something I've done that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait maybe you should run
But there's something you've said that can't be undone

And you fall away from your past
But It's following you

You fall away
It's following you....

:(
 
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and each wish resigned...   
09:20am 28/02/2008
 

There are just some things that shouldn't be known.
 
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The best decision I ever made....   
10:57pm 25/01/2008
  Was quitting my job at New York & Company.

What a fucking waste of two years.

I'm so much happier :-D
 
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---->Amazing<-----   
10:21am 15/01/2008
 
mood: cranky
funny pictures
moar funny pictures
 
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"Isn't it strange how we change everything we did, did I do all that I could?"   
04:25pm 31/10/2007
 
mood: groggy
 A veryyyy short post due to me taking three online tests, (but getting 100% on two so far!)

more like notes than anything else.

1.) being lied to suuuuucks hard.

2.) not being 100% clear on something (due to lack of full communication from the other party) makes me look like an awful person. (more than one situation)

3.) Life is gradually getting better (or faking the appearance) minus the two above statements.
it may have just been a good past couple of days and I am grasping onto it for all it's worth.

4.) I never noticed until sitting in a crowed computer lab just how absolutely annoying someone bumping into the back of your chair is...every five seconds....when you're as pushed into the desk as you're gonna go...

and while there will be more of a post later, I leave you with this amazing picture....


I would snuggle the CRAP out of that cat....it'd be like my personal body pillow...extra furry

 
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Seven...? Brad Pitt?? anybody?....ok!   
07:45pm 11/10/2007
 
mood: hungry
as it turns out, i may have a slight infection from the stitches which would explain the random fever i keep getting.

so that rocks.

but it could be worse!

i crave target chocolate like nobody's buisiness....
gah.
 
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